PASTORAL PONDERINGS

February 2007

by Pastor James Berger

Mary

and Martha were dead.

I'd ministered to them both for the last six months; sitting by their bedsides in the nursing home and watching cancer kill these dear elderly women. They'd fought well, showing a strong faith, but in the end faced horrible pain and suffering.

     They had died within hours of each other. One surrounded by her loving family, the other only with the presence of a niece who loved her and her pastor, who kept running from one room to the other. I'd officiated at both their funerals on the same day, three hours apart. Following one of the toughest years I'd had in the ministry, their deaths tore at me as few others had. Uncertain of my faith, torn by doubt, I went into the wilderness for a day to talk with God.

     I'd been to the state park and climbed the hill several times. the view from the top was grand and had helped my heart  before. This day I'd decided to try something different. On an old map I'd found that there was a trail to the top that was not listed on the modern guides. With a minimum amount of effort, I found the entrance to the old pathway, though it was overgrown and pushed my way through, praying as I walked.

     After about a mile I found myself at the base of the hill. It wasn't exactly a cliff that faced me. It was steep enough that you could see where there had been landslides and mounds from them lay around me.

     After a little searching I found the mark for the trail, faded, yet there. So I started up.

     Hours later and about eight hundred feet up, I paused, unable to go on. It wasn't a great place to stop, although it was the safest I'd found in the last hour. The trail seemed to end right in front of me. It was also closed behind me, small landslides, of which I almost been part, had caused it to vanish. My hands, arms and legs were scratched in a dozen places and two fingernails were broken. My eyes and nose were full of dust. I was exhausted.

     I leaned against the hillside, braced my feet on a small ledge below me and with the last of my water I washed dust from my mouth and eyes. At that moment I spoke one of my most heart felt prayers, "God, I know I can't go back, but I don't know how to go forward."

     I realized now that this is where many of us are in times of crisis. To go on seems impossible, but to go back or stay where we are means death, slow or fast. By ourselves we are doomed to fall. "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall."

     God answered me at the moment with a strange and wonderful gift. Suddenly the sky above me was filled with dragonflies. The sun set their wings on fire with a prismatic show of light. they were beautiful as they danced about me on that red shale hillside and I found myself able

 ^{Isa 40:28}Do you not know? Have you ever not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. ²⁹He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. ³⁰Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; ³¹but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

smile. As I watched them I noticed that about 20 yards above me was a small stand of bushes and stunted trees. Beyond that appeared to be a wire lying along the hillside.

     I turned once more to look at the dragonflies, but they were gone. I found above me a few hand and footholds and began to work upward. In a short time I found myself among the trees and a few minutes later I found the wire was a cable that ran to the top of the hill.

     Within the hour I was at the top, leaning my back against the sign that clearly warned "TRAIL CLOSED, EXTREME DANGER."

     I've thought about that moment for years now and realized that as tough as that moment was, God put me in that situation for my own good. I've been tempted to go back to the bottom and see if a similar warning was there that I'd missed. But now that I'd survived my misadventure I must give thanks. I learned I couldn't go backwards on my journey through life without dying. None of us can. We may wish that we could change the past but God has not made that possible. We will find ourselves on the rock face, unable to go backwards or forwards on our own because of a death, job loss, crisis in our families or whatever.

     It's at that moment you must make a decision. Will you just stand there and complain and hope that rescue comes? I had seriously considered that on that hill of stone, even though I'd not told Sarah or anyone else where I'd gone. "Eventually." I hoped, "someone would have to save me." Only, deep down, I did not know that for sure. I could have been there on the hillside for days or until I got tired and fell.

Then there is one other way. Go to God! He wants to give you the aid we all so desperately need. "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles: they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

     Are you in a time of trial? Do you feel overwhelmed? Take it to Jesus; He is our guide and aid. He wants you to overcome the world and offers you His love and strength. He wants to lead you to a higher place. ^{Hab 3:19} The Sovereign LORD is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights."

Pastor Jim Berger